sometimes i wonder why i can't be like everybody else. partying and stuff, doing stupid shit, enjoying life. instead i usually find myself in awkward situations that never fully allow me to truly express myself.

i can like people, but i've never really felt like i've truly 'fit in' and inside sometimes i get jealous of the people around me. but why blame them? they've done nothing wrong.

alot of the time, i ask why? why does it have to be this way? is it because of something i've done in the past? is it because of who i am?

the longer i think about it, the harder it hurts.

all the things that i've done in the past. the past, the past. sometimes i feel i worry too much, worry if i wronged someone, worry if i did something stupid.

like i mean it's not that i'm not moving on, believe me i am. it's just no matter what, no matter how much i change, there's always that part of me that remains regretful, perhaps even resentful of the past. and the mistakes i have made, or the decisions i've made.

i know alot of the time i try too hard to be perfect. i've begun to realize this is tearing me up from the inside. not only in my art, but in my life. it's an addiction, it's muddled my thoughts and inspiration.

one day i hope to realize that the imperfections we see in ourselves are actually what makes us humans beautiful.

i don't think i'll ever truly be free until i get over this.

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